


Desiderium

by Moomin_94



Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: F/M, Introspection, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28087917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moomin_94/pseuds/Moomin_94
Summary: Desiderium: an ardent desire or longing; especially: a feeling of loss or grief for something lostIt’s an odd feeling when you go to a place that used to be so familiar and you feel like an outsider. Someone you called your Soulmate once upon a time becomes a series of pictures on a phone screen and home doesn’t feel like home anymore.
Relationships: Joey Potter/Pacey Witter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46





	Desiderium

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all, I've been a long time lurker on this site and it's 2020 so I decided to write some Dawson's Creek fic because there's a pandemic on and you know... I have nothing better to do with my time.

It’s an odd feeling when you go to a place that used to be so familiar and you feel like an outsider. You and Joey had even made up a word for it once. Of course in high school you had made it your mission to sit in the outer circle of Capeside. Their little group had worn their lack of popularity like a badge of honour, hung on the walls next to the Jurassic Park poster, on Friday nights spent in a bedroom watching movie and after movie and dissecting all the relationships, the interactions. But that was before. 

Before busy careers lead to missed holidays home and no phone calls for birthdays. Promises of “Nothing’s going to change.” turn into “Sorry, I guess I missed you” on the answering machine and then everyone stops trying. Someone you called your Soulmate once upon a time becomes a series of pictures on a phone screen and home doesn’t feel like home anymore. But Mom had said “No more excuses,” this year. So here you are; Standing in one of the hundred chain coffee stores that seem to have popped up since you’ve been gone. Scrolling through your phone in line like everyone else when you hear it. A voice you haven’t heard in years, but would still recognise anywhere. 

She’s four people ahead of you in line and ordering, and the teenager behind the counter asks: “And your name for the order?”  
“It’s Joey.” And it is. Joey Potter is standing about 10 feet away from him for the first time in years and it feels like a punch in the stomach. It’s Christmas, and he should have known she’d be here, same as always but for some reason it had never occurred to him to ask. Joey is intrinsically tied in his mind to Capeside just as his own parents are despite the fact that she’s lived away from home even longer than he has. He should have known, but he didn’t and that probably says more about the state of their relationship than a hundred pictures could.

When you imagined seeing her again there was always rain and a dramatic swell in the music playing but there’s none of that. Instead there’s the hiss of a cappuccino machine and people chattering all around, but she looks just the same as she turns to the waiting area. You watch as she takes her phone out of her pocket and start tapping rhythmically on the screen: She smiles, just the same slightly crooked smile, at something she sees and for a second you forget to breathe. 

It’s true that you overlooked ( took for granted really) Joey for years while chasing after girls that never would have worked out but your optimistic world view, obsessed with chance encounters and potential meet cutes wouldn’t let you see it. Slowly, the blinkers had come off and she was all you could think about, but with time comes distance and again, slowly Joey Potter became something he took for granted, background noise like traffic or the hiss of the cappuccino right now. All that time, all that distance, undone by smile from a girl, the girl, in a coffee shop. You’re just about to call out to her as she flips her hair back, just like she always did when she was nervous or not paying attention, and the light catches something on her hand.

“Mommy!” A small girl with dark hair calls out as she sprints past the line jostling you a little in the process. And you watch as Joey’s head jerks upwards, she catches the running child and spins her around, settling her against her hip while the girl laughs.  
“Where’s Daddy gone? Did he let you get away again?” Joey chuckles to her daughter and not 20 seconds later a man squeezes past you with a “Sorry, Man.” And there He is. It shouldn’t be a surprise that your former best friend has just edged past with his young son perched on his shoulders but for the second time in 5 minutes your stomach clenches. 

Pacey has shifted his way through the crowd and joined his wife waiting for their order, kissing her on the cheek in greeting. On spotting her father Their daughter has scrambled out of her mother’s grasp and hidden behind her legs giggling quietly. “ Sorry to be the barer of bad news Jo, but it looks like we’ve lost Lucy. You haven’t seen her have you?” Pacey quips, ignoring his poorly concealed daughter whose giggling is slowly getting louder, now visibly peeking around from her hiding place. “Nope. Well done Pace, Left you alone for 2 seconds and you’ve thrown our child out. You think I’m ever gonna be able to trust you?”  
“Well you know I thought we had enough on our hands with one, had to make a snap decision and your son was already attached to me.”

Clearly nothing had changed there either. Listening to their quick repartee you’re immediately transported back 15 years to a million other conversations just like this one. Countless nights spent listening to these two trade barbs over a thousand inconsequential things that lead everyone to this moment. The only thing that seems any different is they’re no longer pretending not to enjoy it. They’ve settled into their usual back and forth like falling in to step beside someone and in that moment You find it difficult to believe you thought their relationship would end any other way. The woman in front of you couldn’t possibly have ever been your soulmate because hers is standing right next to her with the same old smirk jostling their son into giggling along with him.  
Once upon a time you would have strode right on up to them and started rolling your eyes with Joey, chuckling at the latest situation that only Pacey could worm his way into but now their family has its own easy chemistry, and their puzzle pieces have slowly snuck together leaving you out like an extra piece; Or maybe, looking from the outside now, you always were.  
“Well, If Dougie can’t find her we’ll replace Lucy when you’ve finished growing the next little bean I guess.” Pacey smirks back at his wife, but there’s softness about the way he says it that makes you feel like you’ve intruded on something you definitely shouldn’t have seen. Not yet anyway. Their daughter, Lucy, chooses this moment to reveal herself and Pacey dramatically clutches his heart, relieved for his found child, scooping her up into laughing along with her and his son. Joey’s watching on with smile as if she’s seen this happen a hundred times before, a look you startlingly recognise as one that used to be directed at you.  
“Joey?” The Barista calls out catching her attention away from her small family. She moves forward to collect their order and says “Come on, Aunt Bessie’s waiting for us back at home.” They start to make their way back towards the door. You duck your head and turn away a little to avoid making eye contact, but at the last moment you turn your head to watch Joey Witter walk away from you one last time laughing with her husband and children, and smile as well.

“Dude, are you actually gonna order anything?” The line, like everything in Capeside, has moved on without you and the teenager taking orders is looking expectantly at you. “Yeah… Sorry.” Yes, feeling like an outsider in a place that used to be so familiar is a very odd feeling.


End file.
